


RUNAWAY LOVE

by trinipedia



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Fanfiction, Gift Exchange, Gift Fic, Gift Giving, Gift Work, M/M, Pre-Slash, Wincest - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-06-20
Updated: 2009-06-25
Packaged: 2018-09-12 23:02:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 3,880
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9094621
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/trinipedia/pseuds/trinipedia
Summary: Sam's trying to convince Dean to leave with him.





	1. In each and every atom

**Author's Note:**

> Written for [](http://kai-pon.livejournal.com/profile)[kai_pon](http://kai-pon.livejournal.com/) in exchange for this icon *points* <3
> 
>  **Spoilers** : episode 4x17, "It's a terrible life"
> 
>  **Disclaimers** : inspired by the homonymous song by Negrita. Also, great part of the dialogue comes straight from the episode.
> 
>  **Beta** : the ever amazing [](http://blueeyedliz.livejournal.com/profile)[blueeyedliz](http://blueeyedliz.livejournal.com/)  
> 

  
  
****  
  
"We could help a lot of people."  
  
"How? By quitting our jobs and hitting the road? Are you out of your **mind**?!"  
  
"Er...confession."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Remember those dreams I told you about, with the ghosts? I was fighting them **with you**. We were hunters, basically. And we were friends. Well...something more than friends, actually."  
  
"Uh."  
  
"...Anyway, what if that's who we really are? You saw us back there, working together."  
  
"That's insane."  
  
"Is it? Think about it for just one second. What if we think this is our life but it's not?  
All I know is, this isn't who we're supposed to be. All I know is, I got this feeling in my gut. And I know that, deep down, you’ve got to be feeling it, too."  
  
"Feeling **what**?!"  
  
"That we're supposed to be doing something else. You're not just some corporate douche bag."  
  
"Okay. You're upset. You're upset, you're confused..."  
  
"No Dean, listen to me. You know what you're supposed to do when you've been dealt such a good hand? You play your aces, bet all you have, you don't think about it too much. The quickest way to end a miracle is to ask it why it is or what it wants, you know."  
  
"What does it have to do with-"  
  
"People like us need space and air, Dean, and you know it: there's not enough here, not even for you. You've been feeling restless lately, you've been looking for something different, a meaning, a purpose. Well, I've been doing it too.  
You and me are the same, it's useless to deny it: we are alike, in each and every single cell."  
  
"No. I'm **nothing** like you, Sam. I'm Dean Smith, okay? Director of Sales and Marketing. I went to Stanford, for fucks sake, I'm not about to throw it all away!  
You got to be kidding me. How would we get by? With stolen credit cards? Huh? Eating diner food drenched in saturated fats? Sharing a crap motel room every night? Come on."  
  
"Dean, are you listening to yourself? You can't possibly want me to believe you're this **weak** , especially after I've seen how much you're **not** tonight.  
Stop trying to ponder it all, you're wasting your life! We are only temporary in this world, we should try to leave the best mark we can in it, and there's no better to do it than by saving people!"  
  
"I'm not listening to your ramblings."  
  
"Have you ever made a choice? I mean, a **real** , life-altering choice?  
Well, this is your chance: grab it and go with it, because there's not many people like you, I mean it. You're different from anyone I've met, and I'm ready to bet it all on the two of us. I don't care about the risks if-if you're by my side."  
  
"You-you don't mean that. Sam, you've known me for...how long? A couple of weeks? What makes you so sure that-"  
  
"I've seen enough to know that you can't keep eating dust until you forget how to use your teeth. People like us are not made to be stepped on. But it doesn't have to be forever: if someday you grow tired of all this, I'll scoop you up and carry you."  
  
"Oh, yeah, now is the perfect time to go all alpha male on me. The knight in shining armour is just what the doctor ordered. Please, Sam, quit it already.  
It's late, and I have to wake up early tomorrow morning. I have gazillions of things to do-"  
  
"We have way more important fish to fry, dammit! We can heal this world, and maybe we're the only ones who can: we're born for this, I know it, and we are **partners** , and if you'll let me-if you'll let me, I'll give you all my-all of me."  
  
"...You should go."  
  
"Dean-please. This isn't you. I **know** you."  
  
"You don't **know** me, pal. Now get the fuck out of my office before I call the cops on you."

 

_TBC..._


	2. Do you really think you're better off alone?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam's thoughts after Dean made him leave.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Disclaimers:** Inspired by "Stai bene come stai" by Le Mani.
> 
> **Beta:** the ever amazing [blueeyedliz](http://blueeyedliz.livejournal.com/).

I'm walking away from the building I've been working into during the last few weeks, and my steps can't go fast enough.  
  
  
I want to get as far away as I can, my cheeks are burning and I'm so ashamed.  
I shouldn't have said that. Damn, I **really** shouldn't have said that.  
Not to you.  
  
  
Ending it this way, it's not easy, that's for sure but you can't really believe that if you draw a line and then close your eyes, I'll magically disappear from your life.  
  
  
I got under your skin, just as you've gotten under mine and that's not something that goes away so easily.  
  
  
You act like you're better than anyone else, with your perfectly groomed hair and your pristine shirts and those **damn** suspenders...you drive me **nuts** , I swear and sometimes I wonder why I bother.  
  
  
But then you smile that stupidly blinding smile of yours and I forget what I was thinking about in the first place.  
  
  
You're just perfect as you are, so maybe I'll really walk away, if that's what you want, but- do you really think you're going to be better off alone?  
  
  
Ok, the truth is that I'll probably stick around anyway, at least for a while: I'll be weak, just this once.  
  
  
I'll ignore every breathy moan I make thinking about you, because I know that **I** won't be able to forget (or forgive) you this fast, and I'll kick myself every time I feel compelled to try to get close to you again.  
  
  
I'll drown everything I feel, since it looks like it's impossible for me to live without regrets: my blood is boiling but keeps on running, maybe it's trying to tell me it's time to change.  
  
  
You know, Dean, I've always thought that as long as I was sure of what I was leaving behind, I would have been able to choose myself over anything else, whatever it took and now I'm still doubting.  
  
  
Are you good as you are?  
  
  
Really?  
  
  
Well, if that's the case, I'm going to walk away, but...do you really think you're better off alone?  
  


_TBC..._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Not Coming Down From:** [home](https://www.google.com/maps?q=home)  
>  **Clawed Chained Heart:** chipper  
>  **Under The Spell Of:** Waldo's People "Lose control"


	3. I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin, so tell me why you want my love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean thinks about his life and wonders why Sam wants him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Spoilers:** episode 4x17, "It's a terrible life".
> 
> **Summary:** Dean thinks about his life and wonders why Sam wants him.
> 
> **Disclaimers:** Inspired by "Tell me why" by Prezioso and "Somewhere only we know" by Keane.
> 
> **Beta:** the ever amazing [](http://blueeyedliz.livejournal.com/>blueeyedliz</a>.)

I'm walking alone tonight, under an astounding starry sky; I don't feel the way that I've been feeling before Sam came into my life, and I have to admit it, at least to myself.  
  
  
I'm trying to figure out if I can be what he wants, needs, me to be and I'm not sure I can.  
  
  
I mean, I'm getting old and I need something to rely on, how can I drop it all to tour the country with him?  
  
  
It's crazy.  
  
  
Still-still, I can't avoid thinking about how it would be, letting him in and sharing my everything with him.  
  
  
Maybe that's what scares me the most: he may find out that there's not all that much to share.  
  
  
He seems to believe in me, almost as if he somehow idealizes me and I couldn't bear to see the disappointment on his face the moment he realizes what a dull, empty person I really am.  
  
  
I'm not that brave, either: the only reason I've been able to do what we've done tonight is that he was with me.  
  
  
He gave me the strength and the faith in myself I needed; besides, I couldn't let him get hurt, now, could I?  
  
  
Now I'm walking across an empty land, and I feel I know the pathway like the back of my hand; that's weird, I don't remember ever coming here before.  
  
  
I take off my shoes as soon as I get by the river; feeling the earth beneath my feet and the whisper of the water makes me feel at peace, serene, as I haven't been in a long time.  
  
  
I sit next to the water and look at the trees around me, everything so calm and still, no wind, no noises.  
  
  
I close my eyes, letting my mind wander, and obviously all I can think about is Sam, with his childish-like dimpled smile, his gigantic paws, his long legs.  
  
  
I smile, recalling all those little irritating habits Sam has, like how he scratches the back of his neck when he's embarrassed, or how he tortures the hem of his shirt when he's lying, and I realize I have them all registered and catalogued.  
  
  
It freaks me out a little.  
  
  
Because yeah, I know that I usually wait for him to call me all day, and when he does I find myself stuttering, and I know that I've been turned on by him quite a few times, but I wasn't ready to actually consider a life with him.  
  
  
During the last few days I’ve found out he's bright, he shines so fiercely that sometimes I feel compelled to close my eyes to protect me from his light.  
  
  
That's why I wanted him in my life, one way or another.  
  
  
I think he figured out quite quickly that I'm a lonely man, and that my life has been pointless and disappointing for a long time now, but what he doesn't know is how self conscious I am.  
  
  
I need to know why he wants me, because I don't get it.  
  
  
Is this really what he thinks it is?  
  
  
Are we living different lives than the ones that were assigned to us?  
  
  
Did we really love each other in another time or place?  
  
  
I've been dreaming about him, too. I take out my phone and, while I walk back to my place, I call his desk number. "Sam, it's-it's Dean. Dean Smith. So listen, about tonight I-I'm sorry. I mean, this could be the end of everything, or maybe the-the beginning, so...if you have a minute, once you get to work, why don't we talk about it? We could have breakfast at that waffle house you like so much. No need for you to call me back, just-come to my office. Whenever."  
  


_TBC..._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Not Coming Down From:** [ home ](https://www.google.com/maps?q=home)
> 
> **Clawed Chained Heart:** cranky
> 
> **Under The Spell Of:** Roxette, "Wish I could fly"


	4. I'm always missing you before the goodbye

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A few months passed by. Sam's a hunter now, while Dean chose to stay and keep his job, so they only get together when Sam manages to get in town.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Disclaimers:** inspired by "Before the Goodbye" by Britney Spears and "(there's gotta be) More to life" by Stacie Orrico.
> 
>  **Beta:** the ever amazing [blueeyedliz](http://blueeyedliz.livejournal.com/)

Dean awakes slowly when Sam's hold on his body tightens.  
  
  
He knows it only means one thing. "I wasn't sleeping," he mutters, "I was just resting my eyes."  
  
  
Sam's chuckle rumbles against his back.  
  
  
Dean tries with all his might not to watch the clock that keeps its merciless tick-tickin' as the time goes by too fast for his liking. He knows when Sam opens his mouth to speak: they've been through this so many times before he could write down their whole morning routine with his eyes closed and a hand tied behind his back.  
  
  
So, he quickly turns and covers Sam's slightly open mouth with his own, taking advantage of Sam's surprise to push his tongue inside.  
  
  
He knows that Sam would best be on his way, but as every previous time he wishes he could make him stay with him, if not forever, at least for a while longer.  
  
  
Sam clings at him and kisses him back with equal passion. Though they're as close as they can be, the space between them is rapidly growing, so Dean desperately clings to Sam. When they finally break the kiss to breathe, Sam pushes his forehead against Dean's.  
"I wanna make it clear," he pants, "I will always be around. I won't leave you."  
  
  
Dean feels tears pooling in his eyes, and closes them to avoid making a scene. "You're leaving, I'm waiting. That's how it works," he answers, his voice cracking. "Forgive me, Sam, but I'm already missing you. It's like you're already gone, I can feel it."  
  
  
Dean bites his lower lip as soon as the words leave his mouth: damnit, he's been trying so hard not to spill them out to Sam!  
  
  
It's kinda hard for him to let Sam know about how he feels: usually he doesn't let his feelings show how much he misses Sam when he's not there, and how much is killing him inside to see him leaving.  
  
  
He misses all the little things that make him weak at the knees: Sam's playful eyes, the Texas drawl that comes out full force when Sam's really tired...without him Dean doesn't even know who he is anymore.  
  
  
Suddenly, Sam tenses up, and that's when Dean realizes he's been thinking out loud.  
"So that's it, uh? I'm the one that's supposed to stay?"  
  
  
Sam sits up in the bed and starts put his clothes on. "If I'm hurting you so much, maybe I shouldn't keep coming back."  
  
  
Dean freezes.  
  
  
He didn't-  
  
  
"I mean, if you love me, and miss me, and all of this is _killing you inside_ , why don't **you** come with **me**?"  
  
  
Sam waits for a handful of seconds for an answer, and when it doesn't come, he snorts.  
"Yeah, that's what I thought."  
  
  
He stands up and gets towards the door. "I'm saving people, Dean. I used to feel so deprived, emptier inside with every day I lived. It was like I was missing something important, like I was slowly wasting my time, always looking for something else, something more. Then we hunted that ghost and I realized that maybe there was more to life than chasing down every temporary high to satisfy me. I mean, yeah, it's just life, but I was sure there was more to it."  
  
  
Sam shakes his head at Dean, who is still on the bed, so shocked he's unable to speak.  
  
  
"I'm always waiting on something other than what I have," Sam adds, half-way out the door, before stopping, but he doesn't turn to look at Dean. "Why am I feelin' like there's still something I'm missing, Dean? You were supposed to be my haven, my security. Instead, you're becoming a liability, a weakness. And looks like I'm not making you too happy either, so let's do us both a favor and stop pretending we have something here. We don't."  
  
  
It's the sound of the entrance door closing behind Sam that finally pushes Dean into motion.  
  
  
"Sam, wait!" He shouts, running down the stairs and almost tripping in his haste to get to the door before it's too late. "I'm sorry! Please, stay, don't leave me!"  
  
  
"...don't-don't-Sam?"  
  
  
The light coming through the blinds wakes Dean up. He sits up in the bed, rubbing his eyes and finding them wet. He knows he had a dream, more like a nightmare, in fact, and even if he can't remember everything he can still feel his chest aching at the thought of missing Sam.  
  
  
While he gets rapidly ready to go to work, he decides that he'll talk to the guy and sort it all out.  
  
  
Consequences be damned.  
  


_TBC..._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Not Coming Down From:** [ Home ](https://www.google.com/maps?q=Home)  
> **Clawed Chained Heart:** tired  
>  **Under The Spell Of:** Mariah Carey "Right to dream"


	5. Will I ever be free?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean tries to come clean with his loved ones about what he feels about Sam, because after the dream he had the previous night he can't hide it anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Disclaimers:** inspired by "All the things she said" by Tatu.
> 
> **Beta:** the ever amazing [blueeyedliz](http://blueeyedliz.livejournal.com/)

The phone rings, one, two, three times, then the recorded voice kicks in.  
  
  
“Hi, this is Jo! I'm not at home right now, so please leave me a message and I'll call you back as soon as I can."  
  
  
"Hey squirt, Dean starts, his tone mocking but laced with love.   
  
  
Then he clears his throat and goes on. "Listen, Jo, I-I'm in serious shit, I feel totally lost and I need your help." He takes a deep breath. "You're probably shocked, uh?   
Bet you'd never thought you'd see the day your big brother would ask for your help.  
Well, I am now, because-I met someone. A **male** someone. And...being with him has opened my eyes, is like now I can see it all, you know? It scares the shit out of me."  
  
  
Dean passes a hand over his forehead, not surprised by the thin layer of sweat that covers it. "Don't think I didn't try to talk myself out of this: hell, I don't even fully understand it. I keep asking myself what's happening to me, wondering how I got this involved; I keep closing my eyes but I can't block him out. And now the only thing I really want is to take him somewhere far from here, where it's only the two of us and we can be free."  
  
  
Dean shakes his head and lets out a bitter chuckle. "I'm all mixed up, Jo," he says, honestly laying his feelings out for her to see, "and I'm not ready for the road this **thing** is taking: I feel cornered and rushed. Maybe it's my fault, you know, maybe if I hadn't encouraged him-" he stops himself. "Actually, that's a really cowardly thing to say. I want him so much that if he hadn't done anything about it, I probably would have instead. He just saved me the trouble."  
  
  
The dream he had last night clarified it all to him: he can't even start to imagine his life without Sam.  
If what's expecting him is what the dream showed him, few stolen hours and meaningless fights, he doesn't want it.  
He want _everything_ with Sam, he wants to share the road, the motels, the greasy food. What he has seen in the dream will never happen, not if he can help it.  
And he _knows_ he can.  
Besides, Dean is not worried about what people may think about Sam and him: he's not worried about the staring, the rumors, the nudging. He's ready to face it all if he knows that Sam feels the same Dean's feeling for him. "I can try to pretend, I can try to forget, but it's driving me mad and I'm going out of my head," he whispers in the phone and that's when he realizes the line's gone dead. Who knows at which point of his message the tape ran out.  
  
  
He's about to call again, but then he thinks about it and calls his parents instead.  
The phone rings once and Dean puts it down. What is he supposed to say to them anyway?   
  
  
_Mum...what do you see when you look at me? I mean, really. Am I the son you wanted? Did I do what you were expecting from me? And Dad, I'm about to make a bad decision. Have I crossed the line? Will you stop talking to me once you'll find out?_  
  
  
Sam's words are still running through his head and that's when he realizes this is not enough, never will be and he'll go crazy without him. He picks up the phone again.  
  
  
"Tech Support, this is Gary."  
  
  
"Hi, Dean Smith, Director of Sales and Marketing. I'd like to speak to Sam Wesson please."  
  
  
"Er-he's...not here, sir."  
  
  
"Well, as soon as he gets there, send him to my office."  
  
  
"Sir?"  
  
  
"Yes?"  
  
  
"He won't get here. He's gone. For good. With a bang, if you ask me. He trashed his phone with an iron bar."  
  
  
"When?"  
  
  
"Like ten minutes ago, but-"  
  
  
Dean doesn't even thank the guy or acknowledge the information. He just stands up, grabs his jacket and runs down the stairs towards the parking lot.  
  


_TBC..._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Not Coming Down From:** [ home ](http://maps.google.com/maps?q=home)  
> **Clawed Chained Heart:** sore  
>  **Under The Spell Of:** Do "Don't wanna be your friend"


	6. I had to fall to finally see

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean makes his decision and runs after Sam to share it with him. Meanwhile, someone waits.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Spoilers:** episode 4x17, "It's a terrible life".
> 
> **Disclaimers:** inspired by "Right in front of you" by Celine Dion.
> 
> **Beta:** the ever amazing [ blueeyedliz ](http://blueeyedliz.livejournal.com)

"Sam! Wait!"  
  
Sam turns around abruptly and his eyes go wide when he sees Dean running through the parking lot towards him.  
  
  
Once Dean gets next to him, he has to stop, doubled over, his hands on his knees trying to get his breath back. "Don't-" Dean pants, "don't go."  
  
  
Sam blinks, and he's about to start explaining once more to Dean how important what he wants to do is, Dean can read it on his face, so he simply lifts a hand and shakes his head, hoping it will stop Sam.  
  
  
It does.  
  
  
"What I meant was-don't go _without me_."  
  
  
Dean takes in the stunned expression on Sam's face and mentally pats himself on the back.  
  
  
"I still need to buy basic supplies, empty my bank account, get a few clothes together and another couple of things before I'm ready to leave, so I was wondering if you'd mind staying at my place tonight. To-help me pack, that is, and we could leave in the morning. Is it ok? Because if it's not, I mean, we could-"  
  
Sam cuts him mid-sentence, wrapping his arms around Dean's neck and caressing its back with his thumbs.  
  
Dean expects a kiss, and Sam does get closer, but he stops mere centimetres from Dean's lips.  
  
  
He's so close that Dean can feel Sam's warmth breath on his face.  
"What made you change your mind?" Sam asks, breathless, like he's the one who has ran all the way.  
  
  
Dean's smile could split his face in two.  
  
"I've always been cold and lonely," he starts explaining, "life twisted my heart and put me in the dark, choked by doubts and walls I built around myself without realising it. I'm used to letting fear control me, and that's what I intended to do this time, too. That's why I let you go, I didn't know the answer would be right there."  
  
Dean's hands cover Sam's, drawing soothing circles on the younger guy's trembling knuckles. "I've been looking for _something_ my whole life, Sam, but somehow, some way I couldn't see the one time it actually came to me. I didn't recognize it for what it was until it was everywhere around me, I had to fall to finally see that you were right in front of me."  
  
Sam's eyes soften and he lets out a sound that Dean will tease him for forever, even though Sam will repeat a thousand times that _no, he wasn't **giggling**._  
  
When their lips finally meet, and their chests are lined up, while his fingers dig into Sam's biceps, Dean suddenly remembers what his mom used to tell him when he was a kid.  
  
 _Faith can lift you up, and if you have enough of it you can reach a new beginning: love can withstand a storm, and in the final hour you'll find the joy in living._  
  
  
Dean's eyes flutter closed when Sam's mouth substitutes his fingers lacing on his neck to press a few wet, tender kisses on his skin.  
  
"Don't let me go," he begs "you are my tomorrow."  
  
There's safety in Sam's arms, even though he'll never admit it out loud, and wherever he will go Dean will follow, 'cause from now on Sam's the world where he belongs.  
  
Dean looks up at the sky and silently promises he will.  
  
************************  
  
"...Dean?"  
  
  
Mr. Adler enters Dean's office, and arches an eyebrow when he finds it empty. He huffs, then sits in the chair across Dean's desk. Crossing his arms on his chest, he wonders where his Head of Marketing has gone: he has to talk to him, **urgently**.  
  
Suddenly he seems to _glow_ and it's clear he's not a normal human being.  
  
  
His expression gets worried for a second before he shrugs.  
  
  
Oh, well, he maybe can't find Dean and Sam in this _reality_ , but come on, how long can they be gone for?  
  
  
It's not like they have any hunting experience or money to start the trip. And even if they did, what's the problem?  
  
They will simply go back to their usual life a little earlier than planned, and he will be able to find them once they'll start killing supernatural beings.  
  
Win/win situation.   
  
Besides, what kind of damage can they do anyway?  
  
 **END**  
  
...for now. I'm planning a sequel. AFTER I'M DONE WITH MY **FIVE** SUMMER CHALLENGES, THAT IS.  
  
 _*ponders*_  
  
Well, Zachariah is bound to find them, isn't he? And maybe, as in the episode, he'll only give Dean his memories back. So Sam will still be 'Wesson'...and-  
  
 _*walks away, still blabbering about the sequel*_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Not Coming Down From:** [ Home ](https://www.google.com/maps?q=Home)  
> **Clawed Chained Heart:** cranky  
>  **Under The Spell Of:** Celine Dion "Right in front of you"

**Author's Note:**

> The header was made by my beloved [](http://kros-21.livejournal.com/profile)[kros_21](http://kros-21.livejournal.com/) following my requests...thank you, hum, is simply fabulous! *kisses her feet*
> 
> Also, nothing would have been possible without[](http://hay1ock.livejournal.com/profile)[hay1ock](http://hay1ock.livejournal.com/)'s help, guidance and general handholding. I'd be lost without you, you know. *smishes*


End file.
